My journey to becoming a missionary was far from your stock-standard, trial ridden, discovering of myself experience that it seems to have been for most of the missionaries that I served with. For me, the experience was pretty much just normal life, decisions, and an increase of trust and faith.
Anyone who is familiar with the culture that exists in most LDS congregations (wards) will understand; missionary service is highly respected, and highly encouraged (even expected) of young men. At an early age, in Primary (Sunday school for children) I remember being taught about the great calling of missionaries. We would sing songs about hoping to serve a mission, color pages and write letters to missionaries serving from our ward. Growing up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (the church) I don't ever really remember being confused about what it was that missionaries did -- Even if my original idea was that they came to people's homes ate dinner and shared scriptures with them --. Missionary service at that time seemed as if it was just a fact of life, something that everyone did, and it was a great thing.
When I was a little older and could understand more fully what it was that missionaries did, I came to the conclusion that I really needed to know if it was something that I wanted to do. At the age of 12 (when I graduated from Primary and went into Young Mens) the pressure was on. All of a sudden, everything we learned and did seemed to focus on preparing us to serve a mission, and the "encouragement" was a lot more suggestive that it was an expectation. Understanding the concept of agency and free-will, I knew that if I didn't take a stand and make a choice, that I would be easily swayed to conform and follow the norm. At that time, I made a choice; My choice wasn't a yes or no, but was that I wasn't sure if serving a mission was what I wanted to do, and that I would make that decision when the time came. Also, being very black and white in my mind, I promised myself that unless I was committed to it 100%, I simply wouldn't do it.
This decision freed me up a lot mentally as a teenager to explore the various options for my future, with and without serving a mission. For me, this was fine, I was confident in who I was as a child of God and continued to serve in my callings. I participated in Scouting, even if I never achieved the rank of Tenderfoot. I helped plan and went on camp-outs and other activities, helped with Eagle projects and supported my fellow Young Men. I participated in school activities, such as choir and drama, volunteered when I had time both through church and other community activities. I felt like I had a very full life and never felt like I was missing out. I didn't concentrate on preparing for a mission, I just focused on living, keeping my standards, and maintaining my relationship with God.
When I was 18 and needed to consider preparing for a mission (you could only serve at 19 then for males) I felt that it wasn't really right for me, and there were other things that I needed to pursue. When people asked me if I was preparing I told them, 'it's my choice, and if I'm 100% committed, I'll go.' I never said no, or that I never would, mostly just 'not now'. In most peoples eyes, they just wrote me off, determined that it wouldn't happen, and may have even thought that I just wasn't really converted to the Gospel. Neither of which were true. I still loved God, I still wanted to be a good disciple, but I didn't feel an overwhelming sense of obligation to serve a mission, and personally felt it wasn't right.
With the decisions that I had made, I pursued work and an education. I went to the local community college, worked at a grocery store, and developed relationships with friends and family. Everything wasn't completely perfect, but I felt comfortable with my situation and felt good about my future course. Eventually I got a better job in an office that produced medical devices that helped prevent premature babies from losing their noses when they had respiratory problems after birth. I felt like that was a way I could make a difference. -- whether it was true or not remained to be seen --
The concept was great, I met a lot of great people, and gained a lot of valuable experience, but eventually I grew dissatisfied with my job, and when I no longer had to work there and my personal commitments were satisfied I left that job for a different one in California that worked with introducing an electrical current into the brain to treat Anxiety, Depression and Insomnia. This was another great concept, I learned a lot about the brain and how it works, made a lot of friends and new relationships. At this point, I was fairly happy with my life, felt that I was on a great track, and was still active in church. I still tried to fill my callings, I went to church every Sunday, and felt very fulfilled with what I was doing. Life was good...
To Be Continued...
Anyone who is familiar with the culture that exists in most LDS congregations (wards) will understand; missionary service is highly respected, and highly encouraged (even expected) of young men. At an early age, in Primary (Sunday school for children) I remember being taught about the great calling of missionaries. We would sing songs about hoping to serve a mission, color pages and write letters to missionaries serving from our ward. Growing up in the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (the church) I don't ever really remember being confused about what it was that missionaries did -- Even if my original idea was that they came to people's homes ate dinner and shared scriptures with them --. Missionary service at that time seemed as if it was just a fact of life, something that everyone did, and it was a great thing.
When I was a little older and could understand more fully what it was that missionaries did, I came to the conclusion that I really needed to know if it was something that I wanted to do. At the age of 12 (when I graduated from Primary and went into Young Mens) the pressure was on. All of a sudden, everything we learned and did seemed to focus on preparing us to serve a mission, and the "encouragement" was a lot more suggestive that it was an expectation. Understanding the concept of agency and free-will, I knew that if I didn't take a stand and make a choice, that I would be easily swayed to conform and follow the norm. At that time, I made a choice; My choice wasn't a yes or no, but was that I wasn't sure if serving a mission was what I wanted to do, and that I would make that decision when the time came. Also, being very black and white in my mind, I promised myself that unless I was committed to it 100%, I simply wouldn't do it.
This decision freed me up a lot mentally as a teenager to explore the various options for my future, with and without serving a mission. For me, this was fine, I was confident in who I was as a child of God and continued to serve in my callings. I participated in Scouting, even if I never achieved the rank of Tenderfoot. I helped plan and went on camp-outs and other activities, helped with Eagle projects and supported my fellow Young Men. I participated in school activities, such as choir and drama, volunteered when I had time both through church and other community activities. I felt like I had a very full life and never felt like I was missing out. I didn't concentrate on preparing for a mission, I just focused on living, keeping my standards, and maintaining my relationship with God.
When I was 18 and needed to consider preparing for a mission (you could only serve at 19 then for males) I felt that it wasn't really right for me, and there were other things that I needed to pursue. When people asked me if I was preparing I told them, 'it's my choice, and if I'm 100% committed, I'll go.' I never said no, or that I never would, mostly just 'not now'. In most peoples eyes, they just wrote me off, determined that it wouldn't happen, and may have even thought that I just wasn't really converted to the Gospel. Neither of which were true. I still loved God, I still wanted to be a good disciple, but I didn't feel an overwhelming sense of obligation to serve a mission, and personally felt it wasn't right.
With the decisions that I had made, I pursued work and an education. I went to the local community college, worked at a grocery store, and developed relationships with friends and family. Everything wasn't completely perfect, but I felt comfortable with my situation and felt good about my future course. Eventually I got a better job in an office that produced medical devices that helped prevent premature babies from losing their noses when they had respiratory problems after birth. I felt like that was a way I could make a difference. -- whether it was true or not remained to be seen --
The concept was great, I met a lot of great people, and gained a lot of valuable experience, but eventually I grew dissatisfied with my job, and when I no longer had to work there and my personal commitments were satisfied I left that job for a different one in California that worked with introducing an electrical current into the brain to treat Anxiety, Depression and Insomnia. This was another great concept, I learned a lot about the brain and how it works, made a lot of friends and new relationships. At this point, I was fairly happy with my life, felt that I was on a great track, and was still active in church. I still tried to fill my callings, I went to church every Sunday, and felt very fulfilled with what I was doing. Life was good...
To Be Continued...